The Selection of the Spouse
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Blessing and Ideal Family
Edited by esgd
25 minutes
WHO DETERMINES THE SPOUSE?
From the viewpoint of the Principle of Creation, God and the parents created the spouse. Therefore, in following the law of recreation, it is essential that God and father and mother, not ourselves, select the spouse. It is our covenant, following heavenly law, to accept that our husband or wife will emerge from there. Therefore, in the Unification Church, following the Principle, God and then Father are supposed to select your spouse.
This is the theory of the ideal of creation, and, following this standard, centering on this ideal, your Blessing will be under God’s protection. In this way, Father, as the True Parent and representing your parents, can proceed correctly with your Blessing. This is Unification Church’s view of marriage.
There absolutely should not be anyone who arbitrarily chooses a spouse as he or she pleases. The Lord of the Second Advent is the only person who has inherited from God the authority to determine the spouse. Therefore, when the person who has the authority to decide the ideal spouse appears, the more a person is close to his original mind, the more he will be led unconsciously and heartistically to accept that person’s choice when he stands in front of him.
When receiving the Blessing, if anyone has a person to whom he wishes to be matched, and thinks in his mind, “I would like to be matched with this one,” he is insulting God. That is to repeat the same action as Adam and Eve falling in the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve fell at the top of the growth stage, they did not know with certainty that they were to become each other’s spouses. They were not sure. Without knowing, they unwittingly brought about that result through Satan’s temptation. You must move away from that road.
If this is true, can anyone go to the Blessing knowing his own spouse? Can he go forth having already decided beforehand his own spouse? Heaven is supposed to decide the spouse and the parents are supposed to decide. God, who is Adam’s father, is supposed to decide. Seen from this viewpoint, the traditional Korean marriage ceremony corresponds to the law of heaven. In that tradition, you absolutely cannot marry without the consent of the parents. This is absolute.
This marriage is not being done for the benefit of the Unification Church’s Reverend Moon. It is being done for the benefit of each other. It is absolutely not being done for the benefit of myself but for the benefit of those whom I face and join in marriage. It is being done for the benefit of all people.
In this matching event, which happens only once in a lifetime, what kind of relationship should each person make with God? This is the important question. This issue is between you and heaven. If you are a man, it is an issue between man and heaven, and if you are a woman, it is an issue between woman and heaven. Moreover, in the Unification Church, it is an issue of how to make relationship with Father. Between Father and a man, it is an issue between that one man and Father. Also in the case of a woman, the relationship between Father and the woman is a serious matter of personal concern.
Without solving that problem, you will not be able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Why? Because the Fall was caused by Adam and Eve’s deciding matters by themselves. That was the cause of what became everlasting sorrow and regret. If that was the basis of the Fall, then in order to indemnify this, you must solve the problem of your relationship with Father. But until now the solution has not come about. That is why we are giving our pledge in this place. Standing obedient to the will of God, a question and answer process occurs. After the question and answer ceremony and the Blessing, you must work hard.
The place of Blessing is the most precious place. The time of Blessing comes about only once in a lifetime and its results last through eternity. In that most precious place, you must decide to go over this barrier with the most precious person by absolutely following the True Parents. Then heaven will come down in this place. In this way you must become the most valuable, substantial being who was molded by heaven and stands before heaven. To decide the most noble substance by oneself is to go against the Principle. You must know that because this was not done well, the sorrow of heaven has persisted even until now. For us, who are in the position to go forward by indemnifying this, how we come to find this precious position is the most serious issue. Until now, the blessed couples have been vague about this concept.
DO NOT DECIDE YOUR PARTNER BY YOURSELF
You must not choose your partner on your own. Especially do not try to discover who he or she is by prayer. A person who does that will come to no good end. Once Father blessed two persons who had decided through prayer, and he established an indemnity condition for them. But things did not turn out well. I cannot tell you who they are; only Father knows. Their fate was according to the Principle. Even if Father forgives them and they go on to fulfill their indemnity condition by themselves, it will not be good for them in the end. Inevitably, within three generations of their descendants, similar phenomena will occur. Indeed, the Unification Church is a fearful place.
When you face Father and look at him, you might think he isn’t much, but he is a fearsome person. Those who have given Father a hard time all were destroyed. That is why when I work for the sake of God’s will, I myself am very serious. I do not decide something in an irresponsible way. Before making a decision, I consult Heaven and set every standard according to the Principle, and then I announce the policy. When I know that something is heaven’s will, I do not care what the world thinks about it.
Once, when Father was just about to match one sister, another person who was standing right beside Father said to her, “That person is like this and like that.” Father said, “Then who is the person you recommend?” And he introduced a person whom he preferred to the sister. The person he recommended was a person for whom he had a liking in his mind, and he had the desire to offer a very good husband for this sister for whom he cared. Is this not understandable? Those who are mothers here, when you look at your daughters and their prospective sons-in-law, you whisper to each other about having a son-in-law that you like. In that incident, the woman listened to that bystander’s advice and married the person he had recommended, rejecting Father’s words. But the result of that marriage was not good.
Father once gave the Blessing to about ten couples who really liked each other and wanted to marry each other. Of those, 80% ended in failure. I will never do that again. Perhaps in the future, I will give numbers to everyone and will match by numbers. At that time you have only two choices: you can get blessed, or you can refuse. I will have to match by numbers in order to marry tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of couples. At that time Father’s antennae will be different antennae. At that moment Father will not be of this world. Father will use emergency tactics. Father will use emergency tactics that he has been using until now to defeat Satan. For that amazing event to happen, a lot of preparation, prayer and devotion will have been poured in. It will take less than ten minutes to decide the partners for 20 couples. But in order to decide the partners, there will be careful and meticulous consideration. It will not be haphazard.
You who are being blessed at this time should follow Father’s will. Previously, of those who married based on their own preferences, some of them suffered separation through the death of their spouse. At the matching time, even when Father refused their request, they kept wanting to be married, saying that they liked each other. When Father said, “Is it OK even if you die?” they still wanted to be married together. So I blessed them saying, “Go ahead. Do as you will.” Sure enough, many of them ended with that fate.
None of you should take a stance centering on yourselves. If there is a compass in you, that compass should always point to God. You are to turn your compass all the way to where it points to God. When you turn the compass to point to yourselves, there will be harmful side effects. How great are those side effects? Those whose compasses are turned to center on the self will, after a while, reach a condition where they might die. If you look at them after about three weeks, their eyes will stick to the insides of their sockets. When you look at this alternative, you must find your partner centering on God.
Those who discuss amongst themselves and come to Father for the approval of their marriage are only trying to use Father as a sacrifice for the acceptance of their marriage. When they say, “We like each other, so please marry us,” Father will never bless them. Why? They are acting not only according to the habit of conventional society, but according to the will of Satan. Then centering on whose mind should the matching be done? The issue is whether it is to be done by following your own minds or Reverend Moon’s mind.
Marriage is not supposed to take place haphazardly. It is not to be done between persons who meet in the street while coming and going. If two people marry just because they feel attracted to one another, some disaster could happen just as they get married. Then we would realize that there was something mysterious about their fate. It was because they did not fit well with each other. A pine tree must be grafted to a pine tree. There are types that fit correctly. When you realize this, you must deal with the Blessing this time with new and better attitudes. Absolutely do not stand in a place where you want to pass through the Blessing in a position that centers on yourselves. You should know that the Blessing is not for yourselves; it is for the nation and even for the world. Moreover, you must take to heart that the Blessing is for the sake of your descendants.
You should not approach the moment when your partner is chosen with a heart of happiness but with a heart of infinite suffering. From when you start, until the end, you must watch your heart very carefully. This time is the most important period in your life. It corresponds to the six thousand years of providential history.
In order to pass through this gate, how sad was Jesus? How many times did he pass through pain and anguish? Over how many critical moments of death did he go? In order to come to the new road of life, you must receive that degree of agony and suffering in the worst environment. This place is the place that closes the door of suffering, closes the door of sorrow, and closes the door of death. Therefore, you must go over this after feeling the worst suffering, the worst sorrow and the worst death. Through this, the road of rebirth can be opened, and you will resurrect from worry, from suffering, from sorrow and from death. This is how you are to receive the partner.
You must come to your decision based upon the standard of number three positions. That decision cannot be made for you by Father or by God. The only one who can decide it is yourself.
Originally, man was created for woman, and woman was created for man. But fallen man must go through the position of a servant, an adopted son and a son, before advancing to the position of husband or wife and then to the position of true parents. Therefore, I will make each one of the blessed couples suffer until he or she feels like they want to die. Man is born alone, goes to marry alone, and dies alone. The parent only introduces, and the decision has to be reached by himself or herself alone. Among you there are probably many who will go away without making effort. Those people should reflect on themselves in contemplation.
HOW DO YOU MEET YOUR IDEAL PARTNER?
Your ideal partner is the person who will be your companion on the road to the ideal world. Who is your ideal partner? Your ideal partner is a person who receives God’s love in great quantity. The one who can stand closer than you to the formula course is your ideal mate. Then who is that person who can be close to the formula course? It is the person who is close to realizing the hope of every historical period. It is the person who is close to realizing the hope of the past and who is close to becoming the center desired by the present day society. Moreover, if there is a starting point in the future, it is the person who is close to that starting point. You should value that kind of person.
The foundation to have the ideal spouse is to marry as a couple in a place Satan cannot invade. That is, the ideal spouse is married as a couple by the will of God on the foundation which has indemnified the vertical history horizontally. Therefore, the ideal of marriage has to be centered on God. If it does not surpass the standard existing at the time before Adam and Eve’s fall, a new ideology cannot start. You are not standing in a position where each of you has fought and became a person whom Satan cannot penetrate, but you are in a position where you are believing in and following this ideology. Therefore, your Blessing will come to nothing unless a heartistic foundation and a substantial foundation are laid continuously.
The term “ideal spouse” is very good, is it not? Until now, you have thought that an ideal spouse is like this or like that. No matter how good your partner is, you will not find his or her value unless you have within you the quality to do so. Where is your capacity to discover whether or not your spouse is excellent? Without you yourself being the best, you cannot find the very essence of your spouse’s excellence. The ideal spouse comes later. The self has to be thought of first. How to perfect yourself is the most important thing. The ideal spouse means putting the will of the spouse first, but the perfect, ideal family cannot come about unless it first is decided that you can become the perfect subject or the perfect object.
What is the priority for an unmarried man and woman? The problem is whether or not I myself am perfect. Before thinking about your ideal spouse, first you must become a filial son or daughter and have a relationship with the parents who will testify that you are a filial son or daughter. You must become perfect in that sense. After that is accomplished, the ideal spouse can be sought after and loved.
The reason the Unification Church until now does not give the members the Blessing right away, but makes them do fundraising instead, is in order to make them aspire for the parents’ vertical love. The reason we tell you not to worry about fiancés is because once you fulfill the vertical love, the fiancé appears automatically.
Without establishing the vertical love, you should not think to meet your fiancé or love him. There must be many people here who have already been matched. Among you, those who can say that you have perfected vertical love, raise your hands. If there is such a person, I will allow that engaged couple to live together and I will bless them in marriage prior to others. Because it is unprincipled for a person who has not fulfilled the vertical love to marry, Father has been waiting.
The person who, in his or her lifetime, loves the world, God and humankind with love greater than the love between man and woman, and only after accomplishing that comes to love his spouse, is an ideal person.
Who is the best companion a human being can have? Jesus, who came down to this earth, tried to find a family where he could realize perfect love. The best companion is the family where true love is practiced. In order to find that, a person has to go through the course of offering in this world. He has to go through the course of offering based on his body. He must reject the love of Satan’s world and indemnify the love of the heavenly world. He must, from himself, transcend matter, transcend the desire to be centered on the body, transcend lust, and deny every realistic and sensual element. He must go through such a course.
What is good fortune? Living well or eating well is not good fortune. Meeting a partner well is good fortune. Paving the way of a husband and wife by following the relationships of heaven and earth and following the law of the natural relationships of human beings is the greatest of blessings. There is no greater blessing. No matter how popular and prestigious he is and how famous his family is, if a person does not meet the right wife, then he will be miserable.
No matter how good an academic background or how handsome an appearance he has, he will not be happy if he marries a bad wife. In the same way, no matter how famous or of good standing a woman is, it she gets a bad husband, the result is the same. Therefore what is the greatest of all good fortunes? Meeting your partner well. That is the greatest blessing. By meeting your mate well, you will have good children. Isn’t that right?
IT IS INEVITABLE THAT YOUR PARTNER IS SOMEWHERE
When Adam appeared as God’s ideal creation, did he compare this person or that person whom he might pick? Adam could not do that, because God made Eve for him. Whether Eve was beautiful or ugly, he was to love her absolutely. No matter how big or small, she was the sole, unique being for Adam. Therefore it is the Principle that they love each other absolutely. When they feel the taste of love, those details are no problem.
True love fills and over-fills what is imperfect. You might think that Adam was handsome and Eve was beautiful, but you cannot know that. Whether a man is handsome or ugly cannot be a real problem. These days there are women who shun mirrors because they think they are so ugly, but this is totally unnecessary. I have talked about finding the ideal partner for a lifetime. You might think that at the matching time I will consider, “Ah! Is this the one, or is that the one?”
But what is ideal is absolutely only one. It is the same as in the Garden of Eden where there was only one man and one woman. Should the person who is supposed to become the True Parent look at this woman and that woman, with his eyes always staring? Lightning does not strike by looking at where it is to strike. When plus and minus become close, it will always strike. At the moment the minus appears, they will become one. You also must become like that, centering on the love of God.
Is there anywhere in the whole world where, if there is only one woman and if ten males are born, they would say that nine of them should die? Do people worry about that? When a girl is born crying, does she look around asking, “Where is my man?” When a man is born, does he straightaway look for a maiden? It’s not right. This is because the mate is inevitably somewhere. There is no need to worry about that. If there is a man, there is a woman. If there is a female, a male will be born.
People of the world desire that their partners be greater than themselves. But this is an impossible way of thinking in the course of the providence of restoration. Expecting my partner to be greater and better than “I” is not right. Because there was the fall, expecting the partner to appear in the fallen world as a person greater than “I” is wrong. If you desire your partner to be a good person, you should manifest that by investing more effort than your partner.
